Have you
ever felt
that no matter how hard you try you will never feel like life is worth
the struggle?
I KNOW, I have been there myself!
Several years
ago I
was at Sunday School Ladies' Fellowship. A
friend of mine had just given her testimony. She spoke of being
sexually abused as a child. She went on to say that she had
forgiven her abuser. This abuser had been a family member. She
was excited because she had taken the opportunity to go home and see
her family. This included her abuser. She reported having a
wonderful time. I was appalled! I pulled her aside and told
her that I thought she was nuts to forgive this person. My
confrontation with her hinged on the fact that I had no idea what
forgiveness meant. You see, I too am a victim of child
abuse. I was not sexually abused; my abuse had been physical and
emotional abuse and had left me feeling worthless, bitter, and secluded
from the rest of the world. I blamed all my feelings on the past
and I had NO intentions of ever forgiving my abuser. I
am not sure why I shared with this woman my feelings concerning my
past, I had never shared anything with anyone before. We were
raised with the notion that you do not "air your dirty linen in
public". Just a few days after speaking to this first friend,
another situation came about where a second friend got me to tell her
about my history. Between these two ladies, I was convinced to
seek counseling.
I was saved in
1983 at Liberty University in Lynchburg. To be saved means that I
recognize that I am a sinner. Knowing that Christ was born of the
virgin Mary to grow into a God-man that had never done anything wrong,
would choose to die on the cross as a sacrifice for my sin. I
must by faith accept the fact that Jesus rose from the dead after three
days to ascend to heaven where He is preparing a home for me.
Christ wiped out my sins but I had a
splinter of bitterness deep in my heart that I did not want Him to
touch. Rather than fight with me at the time, He decided to allow
the splinter to work its way out on its own. When the first
friend brought up the subject of forgiveness Christ said, "Okay, Mel,
its time for you to deal with this as well." What I needed was
to learn the real meaning of forgiveness. I had the mistaken idea
that forgiveness meant that you let the person who had hurt you off the
hook. This is sooo far from the truth. The only thing that
will blot out my abuser's actions is their repentance.
Forgiveness just means that I do not have to continually live with the
anger, bitterness and pain from the past. Christ paid the debt
for my abuser's sin. My abuser will answer to Christ. I
can give myself permission to let it go and not dwell on the
memory.
I also had to
accept what God says about me. I had been made to think that I
was a worthless piece of trash. This could not be farther from
the truth! God created me in His image. He pronounced me
worthy. The Father sent His only Son, Jesus to die on the cross
for my sin! Would He have let His Son die for me if I was not
truly wanted by Him? It took 6 months of counseling and a few
years in a suppoprt group but I have gotten to the place where I have
forgiven my abuser. I now work in my Church's Freedom Ministries
helping others deal with depression over painful memories. Please
email me if you
have something in your past that is so painful you think you will never
get over the hurt. I have some good news to share with you.
The
Clickable Bible
An
online Bible! Read your favorite verses with just a click of the
mouse. Try looking up Psalm 40.
More on
What I believe:
What
do I mean when I say I am saved?
How can a
person be saved?
How can
Christians say that Jesus is the only way to Heaven?